remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
