Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
