I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
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