I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
