maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
