I feel great
I just peed on a car
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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