ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
