It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
