I need to stop coming to work sober
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
