what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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