Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize