Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
