just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
