i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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