No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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