3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
ugly people sure do ruin things
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
