piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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