i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
