She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
