Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
