Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
