just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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