Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
