I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Terrible idea I love it
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
