He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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