There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
