I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
