he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
