i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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