hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
