you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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