I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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