If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
