my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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