When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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