There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
