Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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