can we get nightvision for the apartment?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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