Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
