i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
