I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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