I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize