It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
