oh god the rape fog is back!
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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