he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Terrible idea I love it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
