I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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