I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
