highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We got so high we made milksteak
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
