I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I met the friendliest cop last night
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
