Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i was born a porn star she said
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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