No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
