My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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