How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
