the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
