you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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