I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
