if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
The best revenge is premature balding
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
