Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Also, beer. Big fan.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
