Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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