The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Four minutes until I can fart!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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