you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
