I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
