Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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