he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
