So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
