I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
