And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
