i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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