Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize